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Achieved an overall band score of 8.0 on IELTS. :D
Why did I have to be sooo damn nervous after the Speaking part then?
  • Reading: Shakespeare's Richard II
  • Drinking: coffee
It seems like it has been ages since I last worked on anything even remotely art-related. Then suddenly inspiration starts showing up all around me - a song I cannot get out of my head; the weird combination of the colours of the evening sky and the buildings across the street from my office; TokenRabbit's incredible Idea generator - folji.deviantart.com/art/Idea-… ; some new software I stumbled upon - mypaint.intilinux.com/ and so on. Even finding out that my vector clipart has spread around various vector resource sites - suddenly I want / need to do some more free vectors, to somehow give back to a community I get so much from.
Inspiration feels nice. I missed it.
  • Listening to: www.schwarze-welle.de/
i have so many ideas in my head that it's driving me crazy. not just ideas - whole damn projects is what i've got. even some ancient ideas i abandoned a long time ago are resurfacing again. if i had the time i would spend some weeks getting this craziness out. but, sadly, time is the last thing i have. the deadlines of my uni stuff are approaching so fast that i can already feel the sleep deprivation that lies ahead. and i really want to strangle a person or two from last semester's team-project for not doing their jobs and unnecessarily prolonging the agony that's called "making a reader". (note: no idea if it's an official term, but around here we use "reader" for something like a portfolio of a project, of which one copy is given to the profs and one goes to the archives.)

too much of a good thing is a bad thing. and that goes for inspiration too.
  • Listening to: Batman Begins OST, again and again
  • Reading: five or so books at the same time...
  • Drinking: coffee
the years i've had a personal computer (or two) have definitely crippled my ability to draw. why the hell did i take all those countless drawing lessons to prepare myself for university if i barely used what i can (or could) at all?  
i used to draw all the time. now i'm just doodling to pass time in boring lectures or when trying to explain something. or i'm staring at a pc screen with a mouse or tablet pen in hand. my last pocket sketchbook has something like ten sketches in it - and i don't even know where it is right now. damn, i'm not even sure in which country it is currently. my other sketchbook - the one i carry around every day, is used as a notebook/planner/to-do-list/whatever, not a single drawing in it. i don't even carry a pencil or a marker with me these days.
on top of it all, i slept through the last drawing seminar because i was tired and because it simply didn't seem important at the time, since i don't really have to do it.
feels like i've forgotten something. like i lost something or let it be taken from me...
...so i went into the computer lab to write an e-mail and somehow ended up taking the Illustrator tutor job. i saw the boss-who-is-never-there just in front of his office and approached him about the job before even thinking twice. or without thinking at all. and there i was, talking about teaching Illustrator, confident and all. one hour later 10 out of 16 possible places in the course (my course) were taken.
and i'm still scared to death from this job. why do i always sound so damn confident on interviews, when i barely manage to hold a half hour presentation without a panic attack? no way in hell can i handle two days, six hours each.
the things i do for money. blah.
  • Listening to: The Offspring - Living In Chaos
  • Drinking: coffee
there's some possibility that i teach a two day course (or two), something like "Adobe Illustrator for architecture students" at uni. they're desperately looking for tutors for it and i know more than enough to do it. and last semester a friend of mine who works at the computer lab kept edging me to apply as a tutor, after i helped him with some Illustrator stuff. he thought i could teach and help others a lot with a course. i would get 150 euro for two days of work - and who doesn't need money. i already found a job (if you could call scanning photographic slides a job), something like 20 hours a month or so, but 150 for two days still seems like a gift.  
and still... i'm really not sure. teaching is quite different than simply knowing and doing. i could explain to a person how to do something if they have something particular in mind. ask me a question - i can answer. but a structured workshop, form A to Z, no guidelines, only what i decide to teach - how on earth would i know what to teach them, in what order, how easy or how difficult to make it? and on top of that - standing in front of 5 or more people, more likely older than me, and explaining stuff to them with my accent and my somewhat nervous german (never really learned to speak in front of people) - using a german version of Illustrator and german terms (i've always used an english version) - can i manage?
i wish i had someone with that same experience to talk to.  
  • Listening to: Beethoven - Piano Sonata in C#m,Op.27 No.2
  • Drinking: coffee
"Technical drawings convey dimensionally accurate information suitable for architectural, engineering and manufacturing."

i really, really cannot imagine what's so damn confusing about this definition. it seems like more than a half of the deviations in this gallery have nothing to do with technical drawings whatsoever - miscat after miscat. how could cartoonish drawings, anime fanart and even some odd photographs here and there "convey dimensionally accurate information suitable for architectural, engineering and manufacturing"?
isn't there enough fanart everywhere? why would i have to look at crappy fanart even in the Technical Drawings gallery...
DA really needs more gallery directors. or a "report miscat" button, so i could spend a nice evening reporting tons of miscats...
i should have known it's a mistake to keep the pc display so dark. now that i saw some of my pictures from the bright screen of my notebook - well, let's just say the colours are simply not right in many of them.
anyway, that's not what i should be worried about two days before the deadline of my 15-pages paper, when i only have a total of 2 pages done... sometimes i really, really hate myself.
  • Listening to: Sodom - Napalm In The Morning
why the hell did i volunteer to do the colour palettes for the team project? just because i know something about colour theory doesn't mean i have to become colour-blind, does it?

god only knows what we've put in that paint
god only knows...
colour fades away


---
P.S. i joined a club?! little asocial me joined a club? wonders will never cease...

:iconvectorites:
  • Listening to: W.A.S.P. - Asylum #9
i started working on a new project today - with a small group of guys who don't really know me. so after we cleared out the concept, we started cleaning up some minor mistakes and unresolved issues with the preliminary design. and every time i made a suggestion or pointed out a problem they looked at me like i've suddenly grown a second head. what's that all about? is it because of me being a foreigner or a girl? am i not supposed to voice an opinion or actually have ideas? the surprise on their faces when they agreed with me it was kinda insulting, really. something in the line of "uh, yeah... you're right?! i agree completely...? i do?...". i've been studying architecture for four years, cut me some slack, please.
and when we decided who gets to do what for next week i get to make the layouts of the presentations and such? not that i cannot do it - i'd love to and i'd probably make them better than they would, but... what's up with the sudden unanimous decision that i should do it? it's not like they knew i'd be interested. is it "let's keep her away from the designing" or "let the poor damsel have the lightest workload"?
i'll be working with them on that project for the whole term and it's really important for me. the last thing i need is my team going all sexist on me. blah.
  • Listening to: Mesh - Needle In A Bruise
  • Drinking: coffee
i am sooo far behind on my uni projects that it's not funny anymore. i have only two days to come up with a preliminary design and finish all the drawings, the model and the presentation of a school extension building. and then i have another two days to design and build a weird (science?) project i should have been working on for a whole three weeks already but haven't even managed to shrug off my disgust for it and start just thinking about it.
and i'm doing what - playing with Photoshop. sometimes i really, really hate myself and my  damn creativity which is never, ever focused on what it should be...
  • Listening to: W.A.S.P. - Cries In The Night
  • Playing: does AutoCAD/Photoshop count?...
  • Drinking: coffee, what else
<rant>

i can barely fight the urge to gouge my eyes out every time i see some crappy Harry Potter or manga/anime fan art - and i don't mean fan art in general, i mean all the really, really bad stuff. or those mass produced silhouette vectors - a tree, some grass, some figures and that annoying 'rays of light' background - oh, and those f*cking islands hovering in the air. am i missing something? is there some kind of generator (with very few options) for this kind of thing? is that some kind of recipe for 'success'?? 'haven't i seen this one somewhere before?' just doesn't cut it anymore.
when did 'art' become a trend?

start using your heads and have an original idea for once! ok, not necessarily original, but at least your own. one could take only so much incapable people copying other incapable people. and again - i don't mean incapable of drawing, that's surely not a sin, i mean incapable of thinking for yourself.

</rant>
  • Drinking: tonic
i am so desperate to create, to express, that i am losing sleep and maybe my sanity. i am so desperate to let that feeling out, that i'm not even waiting for my right hand to heal and drawing with the left instead. it feels like the bandage on my wrist is hurting me more than it's helping me...
i'm never ever working so much again - to the point of overstraining my hand.
damn.
  • Watching: House Of Flying Daggers
i finally understand why i like vectors so much. it's all about control.
as much as i want to just let go, to go with the flow... it seems like i'm afraid of losing control.  
so messed up. how can you be creative if you keep a tight rein on everything, even on inspiration?
  • Listening to: The Last Samurai OST - Red Warrior
  • Watching: every damn movie i have, one after the other
well, i finally managed to damage the pen of my tablet. just when i was almost finished with the vector i've spent weeks working on...
hm, and now i notice the left arrow key of the keyboard isn't working either. (no more Need For Speed for me, *sniff*) so much for proving my sister wrong that i break everything. aaand i also managed to spill the ashtray on the carpet this morning. all in a day's work. and the night is still young...
  • Listening to: Covenant - Call The Ships To Port
  • Drinking: tea with honey, milk and spices
i really, really want to finish that vector i started some weeks ago. i cannot even remember exactly how long ago it was. damn work, i'm so tired, constantly, that i can barely do anything at all, even if i (oh so rarely) happen to have some spare time. today, for the first time in a couple of weeks, i even managed to leave work somewhat early - three of four people were still in the office. took the scenic route home (and here i thought there wasn't such thing as scenic routes in this godforsaken town), got tons of inspiration... but the only thing i actually want - no, need - to do now.. is sleep.
  • Listening to: Mercyful Fate - Time
i'm feeling some perverted pleasure thinking about how i'm going to have a little fun with the technical drawing i'm currently working on, after my job is done. not that i really hate that particular assignment - i'll get some extra money for losing my precious time with that stupid thing, so it could be worse. it's just so boring, it simply begs to be played with. it's like it's bored with itself.
aaand i'm getting crazier every day. architecture is screwing with my mind. who needs sex - everything's screwed up anyway. especially my english. blah.
  • Listening to: Beatles - Drive My Car
  • Drinking: coffee
i don't know why i keep drawing, constantly. it's not for fun anymore. i'm actually not sure if it's fun at all right now. am i simply trying to learn something new? is it to keep myself busy?

drawing simply for the sake of my sanity is so not my definition of fun.
  • Listening to: radio. again.
  • Drinking: coffee
kill me now, please, i just hate drawing eyelashes...
  • Listening to: chillout
  • Drinking: coffee
the resident professional illustrator at home liked my last (and still unfinished) vector project a lot, hehe. now i can be somewhat proud of myself. i feel almost content.
  • Listening to: some alternative online radio
  • Drinking: soda