masseva

Achieved an overall band score of 8.0 on IELTS.
Why did I have to be sooo damn nervous after the Speaking part then?

It seems like it has been ages since I last worked on anything even remotely art-related. Then suddenly inspiration starts showing up all around me - a song I cannot get out of my head; the weird combination of the colours of the evening sky and the buildings across the street from my office; TokenRabbit's incredible Idea generator - folji.deviantart.com/art/Idea-… ; some new software I stumbled upon - mypaint.intilinux.com/ and so on. Even finding out that my vector clipart has spread around various vector resource sites - suddenly I want / need to do some more free vectors, to somehow give back to a community I get so much from.
Inspiration feels nice. I missed it.

i have so many ideas in my head that it's driving me crazy. not just ideas - whole damn projects is what i've got. even some ancient ideas i abandoned a long time ago are resurfacing again. if i had the time i would spend some weeks getting this craziness out. but, sadly, time is the last thing i have. the deadlines of my uni stuff are approaching so fast that i can already feel the sleep deprivation that lies ahead. and i really want to strangle a person or two from last semester's team-project for not doing their jobs and unnecessarily prolonging the agony that's called "making a reader". (note: no idea if it's an official term, but around here we use "reader" for something like a portfolio of a project, of which one copy is given to the profs and one goes to the archives.)

too much of a good thing is a bad thing. and that goes for inspiration too.

the years i've had a personal computer (or two) have definitely crippled my ability to draw. why the hell did i take all those countless drawing lessons to prepare myself for university if i barely used what i can (or could) at all?  
i used to draw all the time. now i'm just doodling to pass time in boring lectures or when trying to explain something. or i'm staring at a pc screen with a mouse or tablet pen in hand. my last pocket sketchbook has something like ten sketches in it - and i don't even know where it is right now. damn, i'm not even sure in which country it is currently. my other sketchbook - the one i carry around every day, is used as a notebook/planner/to-do-list/whatever, not a single drawing in it. i don't even carry a pencil or a marker with me these days.
on top of it all, i slept through the last drawing seminar because i was tired and because it simply didn't seem important at the time, since i don't really have to do it.
feels like i've forgotten something. like i lost something or let it be taken from me...

...so i went into the computer lab to write an e-mail and somehow ended up taking the Illustrator tutor job. i saw the boss-who-is-never-there just in front of his office and approached him about the job before even thinking twice. or without thinking at all. and there i was, talking about teaching Illustrator, confident and all. one hour later 10 out of 16 possible places in the course (my course) were taken.
and i'm still scared to death from this job. why do i always sound so damn confident on interviews, when i barely manage to hold a half hour presentation without a panic attack? no way in hell can i handle two days, six hours each.
the things i do for money. blah.